By Chick Pritchard
Dear Little Red Riding Hood:
I am finally out of the hospital, after our encounter with that big bad wolf. Just scratches, from when I jumped off the rear porch and landed in the pricker bush. No more worries about him, though. My friend the lumberjack took care of that mean old animal. The woods used to be so much safer. Now it seems you can’t trust anybody! I want you to start thinking straight, too. You haven’t been making good decisions lately. No more walking in the woods when you are coming to my house. No walking alone at night. No more wearing that ratty old red hood anymore either. You look cheap. And that ripped up old basket you were carrying; sometimes I wonder what you’re thinking!! Speaking of which, young lady, next time you come over, I want you driving. I don’t like your car. It’s too small and I have trouble getting in. I don’t like the color, either. I never heard of metallic purple! Never mind all that. You listen to me, girl, loud and clear. No more walking to grandma’s house. Here’s the deal. No more minimum insurance on your car, either. You get covered for uninsured motorists too. There’re more of them than big bad wolves! It’s only a few bucks more a month, so no excuses. You get health insurance, too. I don’t care what your politics are. You have no excuse now, and you just had a very close call! As a matter of fact, we both did, but I’m covered. Well, dearie, I guess that’s about it from me. Hey, little Red Riding Hood, you haven’t been looking that good. I get that, what with our recent experiences. Start making some good decisions and help make this old lady happy.
p.s. Me and the lumberjack are heading to Aruba for a week. When you can, will you please take me out shopping.